I Apologize ;>

First thing's first, I know I haven't posted anything for ages, and I admit I stopped reading your guys' blogs and I apologize sincerely! The reason is that I was a wreck, yes I understand that it's not a good enough excuse but I was swamped! Here's the thing.. I'm fed up of putting a fake smile on my face and pretend everything is okay, I'm tired of being nice! I'm done being nice.. do you know how hard it is to care about someone so much but in the end something happens and changes everything.. When you know u're not wrong but everything falls on ur head anyways? when they make mistakes and you keep giving them chances? you keep forgetting the bad things and focus on the good ones? you forgive and pretend that it's okay when it's not? But then you reach ur limit! this is my limit and I've reached it .. I think I lost one of my best friends.

The second thing that's killing me is one of the closest people I know is giving up! my friend had been suffering heart problems since birth and from one surgery to another, there's a surgery coming up soon, Its survival rate is 40% and if he doesn't do this surgery he's gonna stay sick all his life. Although he has a 40% chance of surviving I want him to hold on to that percentage! I'm scared and I'm pretty sure he feels the same too. How can you tell someone everything is gonna be okay when you don't know that? how can you give someone hope when they've already lost it? how can you make that person fight? I want him to fight!

I have more things to talk about.. and if I kept them inside I'm pretty sure I'll fall apart.